Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
