and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
