.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
