I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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