i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
