508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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