Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
