I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
