I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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