Its about making memories worth repressing
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
