no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
