I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
