dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
