look no pants
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
