This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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