i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
My feet surprised me
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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