Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
