No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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