So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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