I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
