I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I just want to make out with him forever
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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