The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
