thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
