there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
