So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
