if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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