He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
