ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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