Porn is love you can see.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I cannot find my penis.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
