you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Welp...herpes.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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