im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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