I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
