Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
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He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
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You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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