Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize