I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
