My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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