dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
