I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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