HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Randomize
