he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
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i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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