Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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