im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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