im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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