I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
