it hurts more in the daytime
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Randomize
