so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
im holly from the hills drunk
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
