i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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