My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
