i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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