I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
