That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
