put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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