The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
