My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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