hotel room ftw
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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