I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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