I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
It's just like the Real World with babies
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
