Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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