You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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