My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Are we still banned from the library?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
