I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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